have not blogged for the past few days due to the shitty internet breakdown.
so yeah this is what has been happening lately.

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went out with boyfriend.
watched "the journey to the centre of the earth" movie at THE CATHAY.
i soo love the movie, very funny.
den went to orchard go jalan-jalan.
den chilled out at RAFFLES PLACE, ate the left-over cheese fries that we bought at kfc at plaza singapura.

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went out with boyfriend again
watched "the mummy" movie at cineleisure orchard.
den went back home.

okae that's about it ~~~~~~


had an unpleasant morning today. A part of me feels sad while the other part of me feels happy. I really can't describe how i feel today, thousands of feelings all wrapping me up. I'm frustrated. Okay, i'm not suffering from depression or whatsoever. just having mood swings these days and boyfriend's the victim. i'm sorry. Having to face more and more problems each day is just so sucky. Relationship problems, family problems, and err, studies? i guess this is typical for teens like me. but i am sooo not used to having so much problems at one time, and have no idea how to cope with them. i wish i could help boyfriend, but i can't. i'm a useless girlfriend. as for today, things are getting a little better between me and boyfriend but still i still feel like im standing on a strand of hair waiting to fall anytime. i could feel that our relationship's getting shaky nowadays but nothing is going to stop me from being with boyfriend. that's for sure. we chat, sort things out, clear every doubts we had and tried to forget what happened earlier on. that's just the best way, forgive and forget and i know that i've done that like a million times. Pfft.

i want to stop fighting with boyfriend

i want to have a peaceful love and relationship

i want the old him, the old us

because i love him very much

i'm SORRY.
i AM sorry.
very much.
VERY VERY VERY MUCH.
overrated as it sounds, i still very much am.
i've explained and told you why i reacted that way.
and again, i AM sorry syg..
you don't deserve that. AT ALL.
not from me, not from ANYONE.
truth is, you DO matter to me.
and yes, i DO care.
but just not enough i guess.

im crying so bad and so hard, still.
i didnt and i cant sleep the whole night.
i know i cant and shouldnt cause the only one who can do all that is himself.
and fuck, i never thought i'd breakdown this hard.
it hurts real bad. ssssssoooooooooooo bad.
but yeah, it just suddenly made me all the more realise that i want him.
and ONLY HIM.
I LOVE YOU khairul rasul .
you know i do.
YOU JUST HAVE NO IDEA AT ALL HOW MUCH I DO :(

and jyeah, today is our 1YEAR AND 3MONTH.
so baby, happy 1year and 3month anni syg.
i love you KHAIRUL RASUL BIN HAMIDI.
ive told you this, and i'll say this again.
YOU MAKE ALL THE BAD THINGS I HAD TO GO THROUGH ALONE ALL WORTHWHILE BABY.
CAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT.
AND ITS GONNA WORTH MY WHOLE LIFETIME.
AND SO ARE YOU (:
FOREVER AND EVER BABY,
I LOVE YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I NEED YOU.
IM THINKING OF YOU.
A.L.W.A.Y.S ((:

im sorry baby, i messed up. again. and again. and again.
i dont know what's gotten into me.
but i know im thankful cause you've been very patient with me, having to deal with my "the size of a man's ego".
i know that i have to stop this attitude and try to make things work better.
cause i know, that everyone has a certain limit to the amount of bullshits they can handle.
you're only human, and you do too.
i dont wanna repeat it till you decided that you've had enough.
i dont wanna miss something thats worth living for.
i love you KHAIRUL RASUL.
always have and always will.

When you said that we could make it through whatever .
And to me it sounded like you meant forever .
Leaving was not MY option, baby, never .

i know you love me.
but truth is,
i love you more okae syg !

so, still love me baby ?

now that babyboy's safely back in singapore,
i cant wait to spent the rest of my weekends with you baby!
i never thought that i could ever miss someone that much.
but then again, i still cant believe i can ever love anyone this much too.
but i did.
and i do.
and i will.
baby, the world will throw us a million reasons why these beautiful we have together wouldnt work.
but i'll just have to give you one reason why it would... cause...
I LOVE YOU !

i was excited, happy, nervous and all other upon meeting babylove at admiralty control station yesterday. And i think you'd lost weight dear.*giggles*
and seriously, ituh hari die balek, ituh hari jugak kte jumpe !! haha. serious or whatt?? rindu nye psl lah kan . hehe :)
so we exchange the whole lots of stories abt whats been going on and all. And im soo glad that he had a great time at KL. atleast its worth his 3 days kan? hehs. So then we headed to plaza singapura for our dinner. gurau sini gurau sane, smpi time pon tk take note. Den after our dinner, we proceed to the esplanade. we reached there around 9+ gituh. haha. mcm besok nye tak sekolah gituh eh. hahaha. just lepak2-ing jek kat esplanade. den me and babylove had a little misunderstanding during our journey back home. but now, back as per normal again. i love you lah syg. :)
when i reached khatib mrt station, mom call. ask me nk gy makan ke tak. den i said why not, since nobody's at home. but my babylove didn't tagged along. cos due to some reasons. hehs .
okae ituh jek yg happen during my sunday public holidY ! mls nk berbual panjang2. Gd nite everyone.And tata for now, i have to get my sleep already.

baby, i just thought you should know that WHATEVER we go through, be it some petty squabbles or fights, i can assure you.
that nothing, and i mean NOTHING in this world is gonna change abt how i feel towards you.
we've been through more than just everything, and we've won alot more (:
i dont wanna be missing something greater than i could have ever imagined , something which could change my life, maybe forever.
i know we see each other everyday, but i still see the need and i WANT to type all these sweet nothings to you,
cause i want the whole world to know, how much you mean to me, how very much im in love with you (:
and baby, ive said this, and i'll proudly say this again,
that the world is gonna throw us a million reasons why this beautiful thing we have will never work btwn us.
but i just need to give you one reason, just one reason, on why it will.
simply because..
I LOVE YOU !

sometimes i just feel like i don't deserve a man like Khairul Rasul Bin Hamidi.
but alot of times, i feel like he's the one who doesn't deserve a girl like me.
cause a G.R.E.A.T guy like him deserves a whole lot more.
he deserves every great things in this world.
and i'm not sure, if i can be that "everything".
but i want to be.
i hope. i wish. i pray.

As I was looking back at all my photos, I realised that im missing a lot of things, but most importantly, im missing A LOT of people.
people from my primary school, to secondary school and alot more. i MISS THEM terribly.

to fathanah, sorry if i have to cancel few outings with you. please understand me. i know i had cancelled few but will make up another time okae, i mean when i realllllyyy free alright? *peace*

but no matter how much im missing these people above, nothing and i mean NOTHING, can beat my misses for this man here :'(



im very much in love with this man above. without realising, our relationship is gonna be 1 year and 3 mth.
happy anniversary babyboy. and i hope, i wish, i pray that there'll be many more blissful months and years to come, insyallah.

come home soon okae baby, i miss you like hell!! hahahahaha.
i love you my baby ALIEN!!